A Very Blunt Letter To The President By CharlyBoy

A Very Blunt Letter To The President By CharlyBoy

Adeboye   08:30:00   No comments:

Mr President Sir,

I trust that this meets you well.
I know it has not been easy since you came on board, so many wahalas,
so much yawa, frustration and hopelessness.
First rule of leadership: everything is your fault.
Sir, Nigerians are surely dying and, quickly.
They can no longer see the light, they feel the Heat.

The welfare of the common man must be your top priority henceforth or God forbid, Nigeria and Nigerians will die in your hands.
Since you assumed office as President of Nigeria, there has been a remarkable dissonance within your government. I wonder who is in charge.

Sometimes I wonder whose thoughts you’re thinking or whose agenda you’re executing; while at other times, I wonder if you are held hostage by the gangsters called The Cabal.
Can you say you are oblivious of the hardship and suffering we all are going through?
I remember two years ago when I visited the Aso villa, then occupied by your predecessor. During our discussion and my lamentation about the nigerian youths I was not particularly shocked by a reaction that seemed like one throwing both hands in the air and saying “Charly, I am held hostage here, I am surrounded by enemies”.Sir, are you the one in charge or like your predecessor, are you being held hostage by the cabals and obnoxious sycophants, so much so that our plight and cries as Nigerians are none of your concern?
Na wa o, this is certainly not the change we thought you promised or do we just assume that your words don’t mean much?

Oga mi, abegi check the matter, you cannot ignore the five percent of voters who did not vote for you but whose resources the country depends on as alarm don blow, to cater for the 97 percent who voted for you. This kind “one chance” is sending a wrong signal to the whole country. Sometimes I just wonder how things can function properly when the formation and the foundation of the ruling party is not based on any sound ideology, but on frustration, bitterness, divisive politics and a gathering of strange bedfellows. Kai!!!

Presido, this your war on corruption, is somehow o.
Need I say that corruption is not only about stealing funds, it is also about putting bad people in prime positions who have neither the passion nor the qualification to do the bloody job. This form of corruption is crippling Nigeria, meeeen!!!
As I scan through your ministries and key positions, I wonder how come it is full of village friends with the qualification to the post is just to be a clan member.
When leaders, out of fear, realize that their lack of capacity could have consequential effects, they resort to nepotism to protect self.It should be a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead, especially if you don’t know who and who is just washing you. Na so.
My people, simple and short, fear dey catch me for the future of our country.

I know that there is no vaccine against mismanagement/incompetence. Most Naijas may have concluded that the CHANGE mantra was only 419. There is great fear in the land, most people are not sure where the country is headed, and what many Nigerians are asking is whether you feel us, your subjects, if you feel our plight at all.I see so many of my people walking with their heads dangling over their shrinking shoulders, being swept by hunger and poverty in the land of plenty. God are you there?
My people are desperate for someone to believe in, Nigerians needs a Talk and Do Presido, no go-slow for the matter because many things don scatter. We certainly need someone who practically leads us through this pain with sincere action and not mere intents or words.
I don talk my own.
Best Regards

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Mistakes To Avoid When Choosing A Pension Account

Mistakes To Avoid When Choosing A Pension Account

Adeboye   11:25:00   No comments:

While you are still in paid employment, you may not worry about the bank for your pension account. The pension administrator will take care of that.

This is because your employer will credit your pension savings account through the Pension Fund Administrator when your salary is due.

At retirement, you may either decide to use your old bank that you are familiar with or simply open a new account in another bank for the payment of your pensions.

The current pension scheme, operational in the country, states that at retirement, your PFA will first pay a bulk sum in the account you provide after which it will be paying you monthly pensions through the same account.

As you will have to be relating with this new bank, it would be adisable to find out about the bank that is most appropriate for you.

The following points will help you to choose the bank that best suits your pension needs.

Current account: Many retirees make the mistake of choosing a current account for their pension accounts. The lump sum paid by the PFAs into the bank account of the retiree can attract a huge charge from your bank. However, you may transfer some of the money into the current account if you want to use it for transactions that cannot be conducted with your savings account. This will reduce the amount to be charged on your current account.

Charges: Some banks charge for services that are free in other banks. Choose a bank that will not deduct outrageous charges for every transaction you conduct. No interest is paid to you for maintaining a current account but banks charge maintenance fees on current account. Banks charge for every withdrawal of N1,000. If you are also receiving money from another bank as deposit, you will also be charged for stamp duty. You are charged for every SMS that you receive from your bank. If you also do any online transfer to another bank or use your debit card on another bank’s Automated Teller Machine, you will be charged for the transaction. Some banks may also want to deduct some other charges on services rendered.

Payment types: Choose a bank that offers the payment platforms that are convenient for you like the provision of the ATM cards, mobile transfers, online transfers and other services.
Accessibility: You may have to visit your bank to do some transactions like deposits, transfers, payments and other things. You may need to update some information about yourself or process some official transactions through your bank. Consider the bank that has locations easily accessible to you.

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The Mark Zuckerberg Visit By Reuben Abati

The Mark Zuckerberg Visit By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   08:57:00   No comments:

Mark Zuckerberg’s two-day visit to Nigeria has done a lot for the country; it is a pity no government official or agency has tried to tap into the gains of that visit. He arrived at a time there was much talk about economic recession, concerns about companies folding up or retrenching staff, or international investors leaving the country in droves, out of frustration with the uncertainties in the system.

Zuckerberg’s arrival raised our hopes: co-founder of Facebook and the 5th richest man in the world, sneaked into Nigeria to meet with developers and entrepreneurs and to discuss investments in Nigeria’s growing start-up ecosystem. And for two days, he went round the city of Lagos, visiting start-ups and interacting with young entrepreneurs.

The way Nigeria is often painted abroad, and in those travel advisories that foreign ministries issue, you would think Nigeria is such an unsafe place where kidnappers are permanently on the prowl. Zuckerberg helped to show the rest of the world that Nigeria is not so bad at all, and that something really exciting is happening here among the country’s young population. He had no bodyguards. He did not have to hire a lorry load of Nigerian policemen to keep watch over him. He trekked on the streets of Lagos, surrounded by a few of his hosts.
On Wednesday morning, he jogged across the Ikoyi-Lekki bridge. He ate pounded yam, shrimps, snails (I thought they said he is a vegan!) and jollof rice (Nigerian jollof (!) not that one from Ghana). His visit went smoothly. More investors may well be encouraged to visit Nigeria too, seeing how confidently a whole $53.7 billion walked freely about in Nigeria, and he was not stolen or kidnapped..

Zuckerberg’s visit also provided great publicity for Nigeria’s emerging Silicon Valley, and the young entrepreneurs to whom Zuckerberg paid compliments. He has already invested in a Nigerian start-up, Andela, and he has made friends with other young Nigerians, the guys behind Jobberman and C-Creation Hub (CcHUB) and so many others. Zuckerberg cut the picture throughout his visit of a true inspirational figure. His simplicity and humility was impressive. He kept going about in a T-shirt, and interacted freely with everyone he met.


Many young Nigerians can learn from his example: the way some people whose biggest possession is a laptop sometimes carry their shoulders in the sky, if they were to be half of what Zuckerberg is, they won’t just claim that they are voltrons or overlords, they will look for more intimidating labels. But Mark Zuckerberg, who is just 32, shows that it is not all about money, or influence, character matters. There is no doubt that his hosts were also impressed with him. And that probably explains the protest that greeted the attempt by CNN International and American artiste, Tyrese Gibson, to refer to the visit as Zuckerberg’s visit to sub-Saharan Africa. Young Nigerians kept shouting back that Zuckerberg is in Nigeria, not sub-Saharan Africa! They wanted the publicity for their country..

Inspired by Zuckerberg’s visit as the tech entrepreneurs in Nigeria’s Silicon Valley may have been, the Nigerian government should see in the visit, and the excitement that it has generated, the need to provide greater support for technological innovation in the country. There are many young Nigerians out there who are gifted, hardworking and innovative. They belong to the 21st Century. They are aggressive. They want to operate at the international level and become superstars. They have ideas. They are ready and willing. The basic thing that government owes them is to provide an enabling environment for their talents to flower.

It has taken a few young men and ladies to bring Mark Zuckerberg to Nigeria. There are other young Nigerians doing wonderful things in other sectors of the economy who can save this country if they are given the chance. There is also a large army of untapped and yet-to-be-discovered talents, whose future we cannot afford to waste. Investment in education will help. Uncommon sense will make things happen.
Zuckerberg’s visit also did a lot for Nollywood. He described Nollywood as “a national treasure”. That statement should be framed and sent to every major agency in the private and public sectors in Nigeria. He may not yet have invested in Nollywood, but there was no doubt that the members of Nollywood and other celebrities who met with him appreciated their being recognized by one of the most successful young men of the 21st century.

I watch Nollywood movies, but I don’t think I have ever seen those Nollywood stars who met with Zuckerberg smile that heartily and broadly - not even in the movies. The ones who did not bare their 32, were staring at the Facebook ambassador in that typical Nigerian fashion: “ah, see money, Mark, abi make I send you script make you sponsor?” ..

The way the visit went, if Mark Zuckerberg had wanted a Nigerian wife, or girlfriend, he would have been met at every turn with echoes of “Yes, Yes, Yes…come and hold something.” But he is already married. So, don’t worry, Priscilla Chan (Mark’s wife), your husband is safe, Nigerian ladies will only admire him, they don’t mean any harm, and they won’t initiate him into coded runs. But of course you trust him - you know he is not Justin Bieber. But money is good oh. After money, it is money. Ha, Ori lonise, eda ko la’ropin o, Edumare funmi ni money…

Altogether, it was a great business outing for Zuckerberg and Facebook. Over 16 million Nigerians are on Facebook, it is the largest and most influential social media platform in the country; on a daily basis, over 7 million Nigerians log onto the website. Many more are on whatsapp, another Facebook acquired platform. With Zuckerberg’s visit, that number is bound to grow. The strategic friendships and partnerships that he has been able to build is a demonstration of power and influence: Facebook is on the ground in Nigeria, the most populous country in Africa, and he has taken that further by visiting Kenya - look beyond the T-shirt, this young American billionaire is building constituencies and spheres of influence across Africa; he is exploring new markets and staying ahead of the competition in a continent that many other investors may overlook, or desert for reasons of inconvenience.
As a business strategy, Mark Zuckerberg’s exploration of the African market is brilliant. It may be the subject someday of a Management, Leadership and Marketing Class. Businesses must innovate, innovate and innovate and the best way to do that is through people. Nigerian entrepreneurs have a lot to learn in this regard: the mindset of the business leader is the soul of strategy. There are too many thermostatic leaders in the Nigerian business environment, and that is why at the slightest confrontation with hard choices, they close shop and run. Here is Mark Zuckerberg, in the face of proven recession, he wants to support start-ups and SMEs in Nigeria; at a time others are fleeing, he is coming into Nigeria and Africa. He is smart. Wicked problems in a business environment should inspire genius, change and innovation. That is what leadership is all about.

Beyond business and culture, there was a small political side to the Zuckerberg visit. The Facebook CEO had said Facebook will promote the use of Hausa Language, some reports indicated he had said he loves Hausa language, and then a storm followed, resulting in a hot, healthy spat between two friends, colleagues and brothers of mine, Femi Fani-Kayode (@realFFK) and Reno Omokri (@renoomokri), with one claiming that Americans are promoting Northern hegemony (John Kerry, now Zuckerberg and Facebook), and the other saying it is not a big deal, and in the exchange, we got some lectures about Nigeria’s ethnic and hegemonic politics.
On Wednesday at a town hall meeting, Zuckerberg more or less edited himself by saying “I am glad we support Hausa, and we are planning on supporting more languages soon.” He didn’t specify what those other languages are. I hope he knows Nigeria has over 400 languages and ethnic groups, and they all form part of the Nigerian Facebook community. He should tread carefully here, because I am not too sure Facebook can adopt Yoruba language before Igbo, or vice versa, without a social media war on its hands, and if Facebook chooses to accommodate the three major languages in Nigeria, it could be confronted with a major battle over minority rights on its platform. We are like that in this country, Mark.

But the difference is that Mark Zuckerberg is not a politician, he has voted only once (in 2008) and he doesn’t make political statements, except when business interests are at stake. Eyin boys, FFK and Reno, Zuckerberg doesn’t really care about the local fights we fight: he wants to create new markets and if promoting Hausa on Facebook will create more customers in that part of Nigeria, so be it. And in case religion is part of that politics, it doesn’t concern him either, he was born Jewish, but he is a self-declared atheist. If he worships any religion, it is the religion of Facebook. In Nigeria, he has Igbos, Yorubas and other Nigerians working for him.
He is interested in their intellect not where they come from. One more thing: The Nigerian government snubbed him or did he snub our government? When he got to Kenya, he was received at the airport by the Cabinet Secretary of Information and Communications and later given a delicious lunch of fish, semo and soup , no Nigerian government official offered him common sachet water and yet he was here to create jobs and markets!.

We shouldn’t frighten him away with our politics! The good news, though, is that he is a humanist even if a secular humanist: End of story. Thank you Marky, for the visit and for giving us a good story to tell.

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Still On That Dog Matter By Reuben Abati

Still On That Dog Matter By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   10:40:00   No comments:

Last Friday, my phones rang again and again (thank God for dead phones gradually playing Lazarus), but what triggered that ring-ring was the article: “The Man Who Named His Dog Buhari” (August 26) in which I had indicated all the positive attributes of a dog and why a man naming his dog Buhari should not generate a community and legal trial or so much stress in the public space. One caller kept me on the phone for close to two hours.

He said he was proceeding right-away to buy a dog and name it Reuben Abati and that he would bring that dog to my neighbourhood, with the name inscribed on both sides of the dog and he would in my presence call out the dog: “Reuben Abati, come and eat, Reuben Abati, stop shouting, Reuben, stop being stupid, Reuben, you this idiotic dog!” and he’d like to see my reaction. I laughed. He said it was not something to be amused about, because although I had argued that a dog is a man’s best friend, and that in other societies, a dog is treated with respect and considered loyal and trustworthy, his view was that I failed to acknowledge the fact that in our culture, to attach the name of a man to an animal is definitely an insult.
His point was that Africans are not cut out for that kind of indulgence, and we have not yet, given our peculiar circumstances of development and culture, attained that stage where animals are given such reverence, or a time when Africans will build hotels for cats and dogs, have sex with dogs, adopt animals as biological children or talk about animal rights. He said in Nigeria, dogs are variously perceived as a taboo, as a dirty animal, as bush meat to quench hunger or as item for rituals. He said a lot of other things.

“You were writing about a dog being so important in Western cultures. You should have told us what a dog is in our own culture and may be that will give you an idea of why Joe Chinakwe’s action should not be treated so lightly?”

He answered his own question.


“What you don’t now is that a dog is a dirty animal in our culture. Even in the Bible, the dog is referred to as something dirty and vile, don’t mind these Oyinbo people now turning a dog into something important. And if you are wondering why Joe Chinakwe’s neighbours want him dead, I need to tell you that in Islam, a dog is like a pig, a taboo. Go and do your investigation, you are not likely to find Muslim families keeping dogs as pets. People use dogs for rituals in Yorubaland to appease Ogun, the god of iron and they eat it afterwards. In the South South, a dog is also a special delicacy for the family soup pot. And have you seen an Ondo man eyeing a dog, and salivating? Special meat. So, if a dog in America is a king, here it is a sacrificial lamb. Should anybody then give the suggestion around here that Buhari is a sacrificial lamb or an edible offering? What nonsense!”
I kept quiet. I wanted him to exhaust his angst.

“The lesson of this whole thing is that people should avoid actions that can cause problems. We are living in a delicate country where people are suspicious of one another. People should learn to watch what they do. That your Chinakwe knew what he was doing. He took a dog, labelled it Buhari on both sides and went to a place occupied mostly by Northerners, and Muslims, and he started parading the dog. Look, he could have been killed. And if he was killed, the next thing we would hear is that Fulani herdsmen have killed an Igbo man and his dog. Nobody will ask for the cause of the violence, or talk about what the Igbo man did. Why should an Igbo man act that way? It is obvious a good number of them don’t like this government, and they have the right not to, but they should not disturb public peace, or try to frustrate this innocent man in Abuja.”

I gave a short speech about human rights and the freedom of choice, and the need to avoid ethnic labeling. He fired back, so loudly I had to move the phone a few inches away:


“Nobody is saying Igbos should support Buhari. But why is it that they are always the ones at the centre of every incident? When they live in your community, they want to take over. They will appoint an Eze Ndigbo, something they will not allow in the East for other ethnic groups, and they will disregard the local monarch. They have taken over a part of Lagos and claimed it as their own, but nobody else can claim any part of Igboland. Who introduced unitary government, but now Igbos are the ones saying they want Nigeria to be restructured. Every trouble in this country, there must be an Igbo hand in it. If that man and his dog had been slaughtered, the whole thing could have degenerated into an ethnic conflict.”
I made some statements about tolerance and why ethnic-labeling is unproductive. I argued that President Goodluck Jonathan was called a goat and that the goat had the name printed on it. He didn’t allow me to land.

“That was bad enough because a goat is regarded as a senseless animal among Igbos, they call it Mkpi. It wasn’t a Northerner that called Jonathan a goat.”

“They said worse things about him,” I interjected.


“But no Northerner went to Jonathan’s household or his community to abuse him to his face. We must talk about our culture not American or European culture. If Chinakwe had named his dog Buhari and kept it within his compound, there would have been no problem, but to carry a placard on the dog and begin to walk around with it, that is provocative. Do we write names on dogs in Nigeria? We don’t. You can call your dog what you like, but don’t behave in a manner that can cause problems.”
“But the police are being mischievous. They are doing eye service. They are chasing the wrong dog.”

“No”, he retorted. “It is their job to enforce law and order and to protect life and property. Your friend’s action posed a threat to what the police stand for. What was he trying to achieve? He deserves to be jailed”

“Because he is Igbo?”

“Because he did something stupid.”

“He says he named the dog Buhari because he loves President Muhammadu Buhari”


“He is lying. He should know that no Muslim will feel honoured being called a dog. And why is he mentioning the President’s name? A man who says his father is Alhaji Buhari, and he is aggrieved, took him to the police station. It has nothing to do with the President. He should be lucky he is alive. And being Igbo, he also knows that when you call a man Nkita in Igboland, he could take your head off in anger.”
“I stand with him. We are in a democracy. He has the right to call his dog any name he chooses.”


“Yes. But he cannot use the same name to provoke people. He is not being charged for naming a dog, he is being charged for inciting hate and behaving in a manner that could breach the public peace. If he loves President Buhari as he says, why doesn’t he name a child of his after the President? That is how we honour people we admire in African culture. In your article, you were quoting white people, dead and alive, I am quoting my grandmother in the village whose wisdom is more relevant.”
“I still don’t get your point. And I think we are spending too much energy on this naming of a dog and its parade.”

“We should because small things matter a lot, and small things can destroy a country. People should know their environment and behave properly. I want to see that man punished.”

“I don’t want him to be punished. We should aspire to make this country an open and free society.”


“Of course, it is people like you who defend gay rights, abortion and prostitution. One man has just been arrested, again in Ogun State, for stealing 18 tubers of yam (valued at N10, 000) and a bunch of vegetables (worth N50) I won’t be surprised if you argue that he is exercising his right to be free from hunger. Or you may even say- that is stealing and not corruption.”
“I will argue that it is a sign of the times, in the same manner in which the widespread theft of pots of soup in local compounds is a sign of the times, and in fact in the same manner in which Chinakwe’s naming of his dog is a poignant political statement. When the people are hungry, angry, helpless and afraid, they will resort to codes, actions, symbols and metaphors to reflect their sorry condition and frustration. For your information, the man who stole yam and vegetables is insisting that he is not guilty! He is 30 years old and he has been remanded in prison custody.”

“Good for him. We are waging a war against indiscipline and corruption.”


Long after the conversation with this fellow, who by the way is a government official in Abuja, I came to the same conclusion that Nigeria is at a tethering edge. We are not yet a nation. We are divided by ethnicity, culture, and religion and the walls of division are so strong, only a little push could pull down those walls. This situation places us far away from the currents of democratic leadership and limits our ability to balance primordial culture with new realities and the people’s aspirations. We are at a crossroads of belief, unbelief and faithlessness.
I had thought or read that it was Joe Chinakwe (whose name keeps changing curiously in various reports - Joe, Joseph, Joachim, Iroko- but no matter, he is at best a working metaphor) who had put dog Buhari to death, but it turns out that the dog was actually killed by aggrieved Northerners in Chinakwe’s community. Chinakwe’s dog is yet another Nigerian metaphor: a metaphor of extant fault-lines. That Igbo dog-owner must watch his back. If he gets roughly handled like his dog, the same policemen who have been so busy trying to punish him are likely to do nothing since in their view, he brought it all upon himself.

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The Man Who Named His Dog Buhari By Reuben Abati

The Man Who Named His Dog Buhari By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   11:23:00   No comments:

The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog – George Graham Vest (1870)

Joe Fortemose Chinakwe, the man who named his dog after President Muhammadu Buhari is right now probably regretting his decision to honour his dog with the name of a man he considers his hero. He has been accused of trying to incite hate and breach the public peace. He has been arrested and re-arrested by the police and taken to a magistrate court, which promptly remanded him in prison until he is able to meet the conditions of his bail.

He has spent days in prison custody unable to raise the N50, 000 that he has been asked to pay. His family members have only so far managed to raise N20, 000. Even if he succeeds in putting that sum together, his life is still in danger because aggrieved persons in his neighbourhood, including a man who says he was trying to ridicule his father, have threatened to kill him, if he shows up. The police are not investigating this threat, but they seem so excited about dealing with the poor trader called Joe, for having the effrontery to name his dog, Buhari.
To protect himself, Joseph has allegedly put the dog to sleep, or thrown it away or whatever, in the hope that once the evidence is destroyed there will be no case against him. It is all so pitiable. Public opinion appears to be divided as to the nature and seriousness of Joseph Chinakwe’s alleged felony, with some people arguing that it is definitely an act of provocation and incitement for him to label his dog, Buhari so boldly and to parade the same dog in a neighbourhood where there are many residents of Northern extraction, whose feelings may be injured or who may perceive that he is trying to make a political statement.

Those who want him punished have therefore dismissed Chinakwe’s protestation that he is an admirer of the President, or that he means well. His defenders insist that he is entitled to free speech and there is nowhere in the statutes where a man can be punished on the basis of the perception that some people’s feelings may be injured, and hence, be prompted to commit murder. The law is not structured that way.
We are dealing, therefore with ethnic hate at the lunatic fringe. Nigerians have become so suspicious of one another, and inter-ethnic relationship is so poisonous that even the littlest innocent gesture could result in mayhem. This is why many have been killed for allegedly committing blasphemy or for insulting the religious sensibilities of some people. Remember the woman who was killed by her students for allegedly desecrating the Quoran. Remember Gideon Akaluka. Remember the woman who was recently beheaded in Abuja for daring to preach the Christian gospel. We are also dealing with disregard for human freedom, and Nigeria’s slip into a tragic season of intolerance. Why shouldn’t Chinakwe call his dog whatever name catches his fancy? Well, may be he should have chosen an Igbo name? But if we want national unity, why shouldn’t he take a name he admires from another part of the country?


Ali Baba, the ace comedian, like many others, has come out strongly in defence of Chinakwe saying he actually has a dog in his house named OBJ, and that is quite direct because only one man bears that sobriquet in this country, and neither OBJ nor his kinsmen have asked Atuyota to leave Yorubaland. One of the most famous pictures online is that of a goat named Goodluck Jonathan, with the name written on both flanks of it. President Jonathan’s wife was also once (July 2013) referred to as “shepopotamus” by Nobel Laureate Wole Soyinka, and before our very eyes, President Olusegun Obasanjo, donated, to a conservation sanctuary, a chimpanzee, which he named Patience to make a point obviously.
The parody at the time was unmistakable. We all drew humour from all of that. What we seem to be dealing with right now, however, is the absurd deification of a name on ethnic and partisan grounds. It is curious that the Nigeria Police is devoting to the trial of Chinakwe, a feverish amount of energy that we have not witnessed with regard to more statutorily relevant offences. This hullaballoo over the giving of a dog a name that has led to its hanging and the likely punishment of its owner is one distraction too many. We are above all else, dealing with a storm in a tea cup, occasioned by a culture shock, and our underdeveloped understanding of the relationship between man and animals.


Chinakwe says he chose the name Buhari out of admiration. And he may well be right, and he would have been right, and there would have been no problem if he was living in Europe or North America. But he lives in a country where animals have no rights and no recognition other than as victims of human predators, and a dog in our culture is to be treated as an instrument or as meat for the soup pot. Elsewhere, a dog has earned its reputation in mythology and actuality, as a man’s best friend. The root of this is that a dog is considered the most beloved, the most loyal and the most dependable of all animals. People use dogs to guard their homes, to keep away intruders, even to play with children and as companions in the home. There are many stories and legends about the loyalty of dogs. Hawkeye is the name of a famous dog who lay next to the casket of its owner who died in active service as a US Navy SEAL.
There is a film, “Hachi, a dog’s tale,” starring Richard Gere, about Hachiko, a dog who greeted his owner at the train station everyday and after the owner died, the dog went to the same station for nine years. Recently, I posted on instagram the picture of a dog in Santa Catarina, Brazil, Negao the dog, whose owner died eight months earlier and the dog remained outside the hospital awaiting his owner’s return. In the United States, a police dog has been given a state burial, draped with national colours in appreciation of its loyal and meritorious service to the nation. Many centuries ago, Homer wrote in Odyssey, about a loyal dog, Argos who waited for Odysseus until he returned.


The established normal is that a dog can be trusted more than a human being. And this is why in other parts of the world, when people name their dogs after celebrities, they are actually paying compliments and showing respect. World figures like Elvis Presley, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Louis Vuitton, Mandela, Clinton, J. F. Kennedy and others have had their names given to either cats or dogs, and it is no big deal. Admirers transpose their feelings from man to animal. Joseph Chinakwe may actually be saying that President Buhari is a loyal, trustworthy, supportive, dependable and companionable Guardian of the Nigerian estate. It would have been a different thing perhaps if he had given that name to a tortoise, a rat, cat, a fox, or a chimpanzee. But in a country where every animal is considered a prey or a lower, spiteful creature, using the metaphor of a dog could be risky as the Chinakwe case has shown. In Nigeria, we treat animals badly, and we don’t consider anyone a friend, man or animal. We are vengeful, mean and suspicious. We are so scared we are even afraid of domestic and domesticated animals.
In other societies, animals are treated with greater respect and in the United States for example, the life of a dog is far superior to that of a human being in Nigeria. I have written about this twice: In “A Dog’s Life” (1996), I reflected on the life of a dog owned by Stanley Meisler (God bless his soul) and his wife, Elizabeth Fox, my hosts during my journalism programme at the University of Maryland, College Park, United States (1996 -97). I was shocked that the dog had a room of its own, a proper room, not a kernel, and whenever that dog fell ill, we took him to a dog hospital and Stanley bought drugs. I saw that dog living the life of a king, better catered for than many Africans.


I wrote another piece titled “A Hotel for Dogs” (July 23, 2006) about a five-star hotel in Bethesda, Washington, which attends to dogs as customers, and where dogs enjoy a life of luxury. Established in 2003, by PetSmart Inc., by 2006, there were 32 hotels of its type in the United States and the then spokesman of the group, Bruce Richardson, had boasted that by 2010, the plan was to have 240 such hotels across the United States. We are talking luxury, 23 USD per night, 33USD for a dog suite, as at that time, all pre-tax, plus provisions for pooch ice cream. In general, Americans spend about $40 billion dollars a year on household pets. I guess that is more than Nigeria’s annual budget even by today’s relative standards.
And so, what are we talking about? An American dog is a big man in Nigeria by all standards. But because we eat dogs and treat all animals badly in this country, in fact we have no regard for human beings (consider the hundreds that get killed, raped, kidnapped daily and nobody cares), we are bound to be incensed that anyone would name a dog after a deified political figure. Joe Chinakwe’s sins should be forgiven, albeit there is no morality in law, but the Nigerian judiciary should not expose itself to further ridicule by lending the weight of the law to such partisan trash that makes no sense. There are far more important issues requiring serious attention in this country today.


But in case nobody understands that and Mr Chinakwe and his counsel find themselves in a tight corner, they should put out a disclaimer and say their dog, living or dead, is filing for a change of name. That is perfectly within their rights to do. And should they find themselves in any other difficult situation, they have my full permission to rename the dog, Reuben Abati. But should you, dear reader consider this a bad name you wish to hang, you also have my full support, partnership and friendship to offer your own name.
If that will put an end to this circus over the name of a dog, and set Joseph Chinakwe free, and also remind us that we are in a democracy, please, help and so be it. By the way, I hear Chinakwe and his sympathisers finally managed, after a fund-raising appeal, to raise a sum of N90, 000 to perfect his bail bond and that he is now out of detention. Would somebody in a responsible position just put an end to this joke and let us focus on serious issues?

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Nigeria, 2016 Olympics And Other Stories By Reuben Abati

Nigeria, 2016 Olympics And Other Stories By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   09:47:00   No comments:

“ I hear we are no longer Nigeria, but the United States of Nigeria”

“You didn’t hear anything. Stop being hypocritical, my friend.”

“But the incumbent Minister of Sports is on record as having said something like that”

“I know. That dumb Minister who wears the red cap that looks like something taken and approved from a shrine?”


“Ye, that one, Solomon Dalung. The same one who is mismanaging Nigeria’s trip to the Rio Olympics.”

“If he said that, it must have been a case of a slip of the tongue. There are more important issues we should worry about, my friend. But really, what is wrong with Nigeria being a United States of Nigeria? We should actually be a United States, because if there is anything we need in this country it is unity. I take it that the Minister was speaking loud. A case of malapropism, no more no less…”

“What is that? Speak like a normal human being, this man, I have always told you. Ma-la-pro-pri-sm.”

“A slip of the tongue, that is what it means, but in this case a truthful slip right from the heart of serendipity. I actually think Nigeria should be united.”

“Kai. Allahu Akbar. I think you are the real hypocrite. People speak I know, but your own, you must use one big word to confuse everybody. It is a national problem, any day. Nobody talks straight in Nigeria, anymore. You either have to use wisdom or carry a dictionary. They say one thing today. Tomorrow, they say another thing. You, you have joined them. Even Nigerian economy sef, has become magic. ”

“Can you just calm down? The Minister wanted to refer to the United States of America. But he mentioned Nigeria. You can’t crucify him for that. It shows he means well for Nigeria. It means Nigeria is on his mind. I have no problem with that.”

“But he is not doing well. He is a misfit as Sports Minister. President Buhari should fire him”

“You have a girlfriend problem with him?”

“No. He has mismanaged the Sports Ministry and exposed this country to gross ridicule.”

“How?”

“You are asking how? Have you not been following the disgraceful trip of the Nigerian Team to the 2016 Olympics in Rio? First, the Team members could not get a ticket to travel. Many of them went on social media to start soliciting for help. We must be the only country in the world whose contingent went to Rio 2016, as a team of beggars. Even the soccer team was stranded in Atlanta. They got to Brazil through the philanthropy of Delta Airlines.”

“The country is in recession, technically and officially. Philanthropy is welcome.”

“Then, we have no business going to the Olympics. We should not become a nation of beggars.”

“We are begging because some people stole all the money in four years.”

“That’s a cheap comment. Money was voted for the 2016 Olympics. The Minister owes us an explanation. What happened to the money? That is the issue.”

“Apparently there is no money to fund the 2016 Olympics.”

“I don’t accept that. The President has shown that he loves and supports sports. One of the first things he did on assumption of office was to honour a sports team that did well when he was Head of State as a military man to correct an old omission. He has also since congratulated the Nigerian soccer team that got to Brazil by sheer accident. Those boys beat jet lag, walloped the Japanese 5-4 and registered Nigeria’s presence. The President has urged them to go ahead and win gold. I believe President Buhari is putting his mouth where Nigerian money is. Mark it, when all of this is over, some heads will roll. The President cannot be supporting a project and some characters will be busy putting the country to shame.”

“Insha Allah, Solomon Dalung and his people must be made to account for the money for the Rio Olympics. If they chop am, they must vomit. As it is, nobody can blame our representatives in Brazil, and the Olympics, so important for national pride. People are making sacrifice, the Sports Minister is busy forming and foaming.”

“Did you even see the track suits that the Nigerian contingent wore during the opening ceremony? Nigerian went to the Rio Olympics in borrowed clothes. They looked like they went for training,”

“Allahu Akbar”

“We were the most unprepared nation during the opening ceremony, the laughing stock of the entire world. Even countries that don’t have oil appeared better. You don’t need to win any medal, but during the opening ceremony, you can show some swag and win an undeclared gold medal. Nigeria was just not there. And yet in 2012, we shook body. Now, something is truly wrong.

“Change! But I have no problem with the cheap tracksuits. It could have been worse if the Nigerian team had won the masquerade attire that had been originally planned for the event. Those cheap and stupid attires were forgotten and left behind in Nigeria. If we had used those original costumes, we would have looked so bad; every Nigerian would have concluded that something has truly gone wrong. “

“I believe President Buhari is watching. After this Olympics, some people have to be flogged for embarrassing the country. The people who collected money and didn’t pay for air travel, for example. The people who collected money for opening ceremony masquerade attires and thought they could swindle us with track suits, the Minister who doesn’t know that the Olympics is important and the charlatans who tell us that it is perfectly normal for Nigeria to go to the Olympics with thoroughly discouraged athletes. Their punishment is still busy doing press ups in Daura, by the time it reaches Abuja, the Olympics will be over.”

“I don’t expect that if any Nigerian wins a medal at the Olympics, there will be any moral right to present that medal to the President of Nigeria.”

“I am convinced that those athletes in Rio believe that they are there on their own, not for Nigeria. That is why there are press up things currently getting ready in Daura. You want to bet? ”

“Sad.”

“But there is a good side to it, though”

“Which is?”

“One point is that Nigeria saved a lot of money.”

“How?”

“Anybody wey wan do Olympics, make him or her find way. Shikena. And if you win anything . you are on your own.”

“No. That is not state policy.”

“But it may be a sanctioned strategy. In the face of official and technical indifference, you can see that nobody that is suspiciously important went for the Opening ceremony of the Rio Olympics. If it were in the past, Nigeria would have had the largest delegations at both the opening and closing ceremonies. Governors, Senators, DGs, all sorts, big people chopping money, accompanied by girlfriends to watch show and spend public money. You hear say any Governor don go Rio Olympics? Make dem try now, make we see. That is why I am reluctant to call for Solomon Dalung’s head. The bush man knows what he is facing.”

“But how about the International Olympics Committee?”

“I am also surprised that they are silent. But you know we are in the era of change. Everything has changed, including Nigeria’s Olympics participation.”

“The IOC is dead?”

“I don’t know. May be they won’t be dead if there was no forex problem.”

“Hello?”

“I am saying I am not sure any member of IOC can make it to Rio. The only people who can travel right now are the people going on pilgrimage to Saudi Arabia from Nigeria. If the athletes can’t travel due to financial constraints, so why should the IOC members travel?”

“Wahala dey oh”

“I think everything has to do with foreign exchange and the dollar”

“Is that what you think?”

“More or less.”

“But I hear there is forex deal for people going on pilgrimage? The black market rate is N400, but privileged persons going to the Hajj get it for N197 to the dollar. Right now, you only need to go to the Hajj”

“Right now, I want to be a Muslim”.

“Is that why you have been saying Allahu Akbar?”

“My brother, this is the era of change. Man must have sense. At this moment I am a Muslim.”

“I don’t get it. Didn’t they tell us that religion is a personal thing? And that government will not fund pilgrimages? And that things have changed?”

“Don’t you know government policy on pilgrimage right now will create many billionaires? All the government big men who send people on pilgrimage will make money through forex deals. Big money. Talk sense, I beg.”

“Hmmm”

“In fact, I am now a Muslim. And I want to travel to Saudi Arabia”

“ I hear it is a standard policy from which Christians can also benefit.”

“Yes. When that time comes, I’ll also become a Christian again.”

“Bad. We can’t have a country where people just switch and wheel and deal. The people who should benefit from this kind of policy are people who have children in foreign universities, people who are running businesses and can add value, people who are truly Nigerian.”

“Sorry, then, but this is where we are. Fact. Reality.”

“No. This is not about fact or reality. It is about the truth.”

“Tell me about the truth.”

“The simple truth is that people going on pilgrimage should not enjoy forex concessions while industries that create jobs cannot enjoy enjoy the same privilege. What is more important?”

“Hmmm. It even looks like the whole thing is a conspiracy against parents who have children schooling abroad. Pilgrims can get cheap forex but parents trying to produce better citizens can’t? Industries are dying. I don’t get it too. Nonsense CBN policy. “

“Get it. It is cheaper today to go on pilgrimage than to produce toothpick. That is the way of government policy.”

“Je-su-s Christ!”

“What? It is obvious you won’t make it to Saudi Arabia with cheap forex.”

“Allahu Akbar!”

“Can you just shut up?”

“I believe in change. And I am glad we are a United States of Nigeria.”

“We are not! Shut the hell up!”

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Endorsing Hillary Clinton By Reuben Abati

Endorsing Hillary Clinton By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   11:32:00   No comments:

If there was any hope that Donald Trump would change tactics and be more restrained after winning the Republican party Presidential nomination for the November 8 US election, that hope is now lost. The fellow has remained aggressive, incorrigibly brash and completely negative. Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson has asked: “Is Donald Trump just plain crazy?” (August 1). Robinson says he is “increasingly convinced,” and that Trump’s “grasp on reality appears to be tenuous at best.”

The way he is carrying on, indeed Trump may need a mental fitness test soon. By now, it must be clear to all and sundry, that he poses a great risk to the United States, to democracy and the liberal world.

President Barack Obama has dismissed him as being unfit to be President, he being so totally unprepared, he being no more than a bumbling apprentice seeking the highest job in the United States.A man given to melodrama and expletives such as Trump, without any respect for basic decorum and standards would make a very bad President. He must be prevented from doing damage to the free world.

I am however, surprised that there are Nigerians who insist that he is a better choice. I don’t think so. And don’t ask me why Nigerians should be so divided over another country’s election. The truth is that America’s Presidential election is a world election. There are millions of Nigerians and Africans living in the United States and even greater numbers hoping to visit, study or live in the United States. What happens in America affects the rest of the world. If a Trump Presidency happens, we are all in trouble.


What Trump stands for is anti-progress. It amounts to a fascist, authoritarian promotion of a brand of nationalism that defeats the objectives of inclusion and togetherness. But he says, “I’m really a nice guy believe me, I pride myself on being a nice guy but I‘m also passionate and determined to make our country great again” Nice guy? A nice guy who says he wants to build a wall to barricade Mexico. This nice guy couldn’t even stand the sight of a crying baby, interrupting his speech. He had to ask the poor mother to take her baby out of the room. Nice guy has been busy abusing the parents of an American soldier who died in action in Iraq. He doesn’t even believe that African Americans and other minorities should be allowed to vote. He says Mexicans are criminals and rapists.
This nice guy doesn’t want immigrants and Muslims in America. He talks down on women, Hispanics and blacks. He does not even believe that Black lives matter. He supports nuclear war because it would be “pretty quick” and he wants Japan and South Korea to have their own nuclear weapons. This nice guy is a fan of Muammar Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein and Vladimir Putin. Affordable Care that allows more Americans to have access to quality healthcare is unacceptable to him. If he becomes President he will expel over 11 million illegal immigrants in the United States, and put an end to birthright citizenship. Trump’s real ambition is to become an Emperor of the United States, and by extension the world. But sorry, America’s Constitutional traditions will not allow that. The American voter should deny him his dream.


That moment which President Barack Obama alluded to, when he said there must come a moment when a people must say thus far and no further has come: with Trump, yes. Which is why it is good news that he has been dropping in the polls, and the myth that he is unstoppable is exploding. Common sense is beginning to prevail in America. Like all politicians in his situation, Trump has become more aggressive and temperamental. He even says the election will be rigged. It is so easy to complain about rigging in an election that has not yet taken place, not so?
His supporters are even threatening that there will be “bloodbath” and “widespread civil disobedience” if he loses the election! Wait a moment: are there some Nigerians working for Trump, some Nigerian politicians teaching him dirty tricks? He should wake up: if he loses the election as he should, there will be dancing in the streets from New York to my mother’s village. Every vote against Trump, the man who wants to turn America away from the rest of the world, will be a vote for American progress. But his latest desperation sends one clear message: he should not be under-estimated. His blunt refusal to back the re-election of House Speaker Paul Ryan just shows the kind of man he is: vengeful.


The Republican establishment wants to dump him. Forget it. That is too late in the day and it is probably the surest way to further damage the GOP. And how about Trump himself throwing in the towel? No way! His campaign spokesperson, Hope Hicks has ruled this out saying, “There is no truth to this whatsoever.” Of course, he won’t. Megalomaniacs like Trump do not quit. He likes the limelight. He enjoys being a Presidential standard bearer. Even when it becomes clear that he will lose, Trump would keep trudging on. Defeat would still be a win-win for him in any case. He can subsequently milk his Presidential campaign for big profit: a book, a movie, another reality television show, or speaking engagements. And Trump will still push himself into our faces on television: no doubt, he would make a good, fictional President on television, but not in the White House. Yes, Mr. Trump, stay in the race.
Hillary Clinton is the acceptable choice. But it is unfortunate that the 2016 US Presidential election has been reduced to a strictly moral choice: who sounds more humane between the two candidates? It has also been reduced to emotions rather than the big issues: who makes us feel safe, and which candidate makes us nervous? Trump does not inspire with any of his incoherent ideas: what miracle can anyone expect from a Presidential candidate who says climate change is a “hoax”, specializes in abusing people, and believes that he needs bully tactics rather than ideas to win an important election. He combines this with make-believe strategies. But the American Presidency is not Trump Casino or Trump Steaks. Trump’s strongest point is his ability to exploit the fears of an alienated middle class that feels shortchanged by the American system.


He has accordingly, been very aggressive in labeling Hillary Clinton as a co-architect of this system and co-author of all the fears currently being entertained by average middle class Americans: fears about how the power elite and the rich are alienated from the people. Fears about spreading poverty and unemployment particularly in inner America. Fears about the continuing rise of a rich minority that continues to dominate American life, business and culture. Fears about the increasing influx of immigrants who bring problems of their own and take jobs meant for white Americans.
These fears are real and Trump, being the ultimate salesman and xenophobe is heaping all the blames on Hillary Clinton and the class she seemingly represents. He calls her “The Devil,” and now he says, she is “the founder of Isis”. Trump wants to be President for the sake of it. He wants to prove that he can be President. But he has no idea about governance and he really does not think governance matters. Hillary Clinton can win and should, but overwhelming international goodwill is not the thing. The current lead in the polls in Mrs Clinton’s favour may not be enough to discourage Trump, who is apparently far more desperate.


Offensive as his messaging process is, I repeat that he cannot be under-estimated in any way, and Hillary Clinton must not assume that victory is certain without the rigorous hard work that will stop Trump from getting to the Oval Office. She needs to allay the fears of the alienated and vulnerable Americans who actually suspect that she may be one of the many “Devils” in America. Trump must not be allowed to use Casino tactics to become America’s President. He is unfit.

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Men-O-Pause By Charly Boy

Men-O-Pause By Charly Boy

Adeboye   13:53:00   No comments:

If you are above 40yrs old, then you have every business reading this. If not however, you still need to go ahead and read because your own time dey come.

I mostly talk about the experiences I have been through, to talk to me and some times to heal me or some of the people I counsel. I share things I have learnt, so others can pick any positives that may help them in their journey through life.

Na so.

The stage I am at now and what am going through, is what I have discussed with so many men including my father-in-law in the past 30yrs. I never thought or even imagined I would one day be wearing the same shoes myself.

Some men right now are experiencing symptoms that include fatigue, serious mood swings, depression and wait for it....sexual problems; like not being as desirous of your spouse sexually as you have been in the past. Like noticing things you didn't use to notice in the past in your house hold. Like being irritable and short fused or the feeling of being alone even when you're surrounded by family.

Oyinbo people get name for am, dem dey call am Men-O-Pause.

When a woman is moody, it's hormones. When a man is moody, it's work related stress, money problems, or just one of those days, right?

Maybe not!

An increasing amount of evidence points to an aging-related hormonal change in men that corresponds to the hormonal change in women known as menopause. Some call it "male menopause" which some believe is not entirely accurate but still gets the point across.

Much the same way women's estrogen levels drop after a certain age, men's testosterone levels decrease with age.

Testosterone is also known as androgen, and many doctors prefer the term "andropause" for this male condition or mid-life crisis, but all na the same pausing.

Anything wey pause, dey on hold.

So for many husbands, their sex life with their spouse is on hold. For some, this has been on hold for weeks, months and even years. Wahala dey o.

According to my research, testosterone decreases very gradually, in the area of 1 percent per year starting around age 35, don't take my word for it, go ask your doctor or go read it up. So Na him be say my own don decrease by 30%? Kai!!!! See life.

Some of the symptoms are remarkably similar to those experienced by women in menopause, including moodiness, fatigue, thinking too much, depression, decreased sex drive. Hummm, my brothers, old age no fit hide sha, no matter the charlyboy in us.

So how do you know if your symptoms are related to Mid-life crisis/Menopause or to some other condition?

All I can tell you is to take a trip to the doctor.

My guy, this life funny o. See me, see menopause. Tufiakwa. I reject it in Jesus Name!

Now if you are the wife, there are a few things you can do to try and help get your husband back to the way he used to be before this sudden turn of events.

First, understand what you're dealing with, both of you should see a doctor together.

It is not always correct for wives to allege that their husbands are not getting their sex games on due to escapades with a mistress. For some wives, they say fuck it, and find themselves a handy man.

Meanwhile, this is one of those times in a man's life when his wife "should be" very sensitive and go further to research on the topic especially in these days of Internet.

Wives must help out by making extra effort not only to be sexy but to be the gentle aggressor in this time of need.

There are treatments for these conditions so partners must be open to talk about it.

Wives, what you never want to do is sit there and do nothing cause that will surely become the death of sex in your relationship.

But if you're already getting your groove on somewhere else, never mind.

Most men may have problem with going to see a doctor and actually dealing with their problems, so the wife may have to find a way around that but, rest assured that seeking help will be more than worth it in order that both of you begin to feel jiggy again and better controlling the mood swings and other symptoms.

Na so I know reach o, Men...Ohhhh...Pause!!!

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Let’s Talk Turkey About Turkey By Reuben Abati

Let’s Talk Turkey About Turkey By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   15:17:00   No comments:

I was shocked by the trenchant reaction to my piece on the July 15 attempted coup in Turkey from at least two persons. The piece titled “Nigerians and the Failed Coup in Turkey” (The Guardian, Sunday, July 17) had fetched a mail and direct messages from a concerned Nigerian who objected to my description of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan as a bad guy- an intolerant, arrogant, temperamental dictator who after July 15 could become even more authoritarian.

The fellow praised Erdogan and spoke glowingly about how well the Turkish economy has fared under his watch. I also got a list of current economic indicators on Turkey sent to me.

I assured the fellow that I was not in any way in support of any anti-democratic move, and that the article was not about the Turkish economy but Erdogan’s politics and leadership. I added that while he was perfectly entitled to his admiration of Erdogan, I had no reasons to change my views and that he should beware of Embassy propaganda. It was a polite, private discussion.
But there was nothing polite about the other reaction that caught my attention. It was in form of a scurrilous, very badly written press statement titled “Reuben Abati Should Keep His Stinking Pen” by a so-called Center for Human Rectitude, posted on Facebook, and signed by one Yusuf Jimoh Aweda, with the pompous title of a Director.

Aweda’s abusive statement praises Erdogan, defends Turkish Airline, and lists Erdogan’s achievements as the President of Turkey. I smiled, wondering why Aweda is yet to relocate to Turkey. Since the failed coup, President Erdogan has behaved true to prediction. Over 15, 000 persons have been detained in connection with the coup. More than 140 media houses have been shut down. Arrest warrants have been issued for about 90 journalists. A total of 934 schools, 15 universities, 104 Foundations, and 35 health institutions have also been closed down. Over 60, 000 civil servants have been sacked; 50, 000 passports have been cancelled. More than 40% of military chiefs have been fired. Erdogan obviously has more enemies outside the coup plotters.

Curiously, any foreigner who has tried to criticize or advise the Turkish government and Erdogan has also been told to mind their business. “Some people give us advice. They say they are worried. Mind your own business!” says President Erdogan. As at last week, about 18, 000 persons have been detained at various times since January, for allegedly insulting President Erdogan - the victims include a German satirist, a Dutch-Turkish journalist, a former Miss Turkey and a UK artist. But in what he calls “a one-off gesture of goodwill”, Erdogan now says he will “withdraw all the cases regarding the insults made against him.” How magnanimous! Yusuf Aweda certainly knows that it is “an act of felony” to say anything against President Erdogan, and so, he had to tell Abati to keep his stinking pen and mind his business. Sorry to disappoint you, Erdogan lover, your hatchet piece is in the dustbin where it belongs.

The attempted coup in Turkey stands condemned, nonetheless, and it is perfectly within the rights of the Turkish government to fish out the perpetrators and ensure that justice is done, but it seems Erdogan is personally using this as an opportunity to witch-hunt his perceived enemies and enforce a form of “political cleansing.”

The official Turkish position is that the brain behind the coup is US-based, Islamic preacher and writer, Fetullah Gulen, 75, founder of the Alliance for Shared Values and the Gulen Movement (known as Hizmet Hareketi in Turkey). Gulen is Erdogan’s arch-rival and nemesis. He has been accused at various times in the past of trying to topple the Erdogan government in conspiracy with the American CIA and FBI. Ironically, Erdogan and Gulen were both friends until they fell out in 2013, and Gulen became a marked target, and Turkey’s “most wanted man.” He fled to the United States. Erdogan has asked for his extradition but the Americans do not believe that Gulen, who has spoken openly against violence, and terrorism, and who is a progressive Muslim, with a large following in Turkey, is the terrorist Erdogan claims he is. It also does not matter that both Gulen and the United States promptly condemned the July 15 coup attempt and that US authorities have spoken about how important Turkey is to the United States.

Erdogan has ordered a witch-hunt of anyone or any institution associated with the Gulen Movement. Turkish officials, trying to give a dog a bad name to hang it, refer to the movement as Fetullah Terrorist Organization (FETO), thus reducing Turkish politics post-July 15 to a contest between two prominent political rivals..

Erdogan is perhaps the most popular Turkish leader since Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, and the people of Turkey who are opposed to the crazy act of July 15 have every reason to be angry, but even in identifying and punishing the culprits, basic standards of justice and fairness must be met, and whatever allegations made must be proven to be true and correct. This is important not just for Turkey but also the rest of the world, as the Turkish inquisition against Fetullah Gulen and associates has assumed an international dimension, with countries like Nigeria now involved.

Nigeria has been mentioned twice in the Turkish drama. First, it was the Nigerian bank, the United Bank for Africa (UBA). Second, the reference was to Turkish schools and institutions in Nigeria. With regard to the former, US General John F. Campbell (rtd), a former Commander of the NATO-led International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan, was said to have channelled over $2 billion to the coup plotters in Turkey as part of a CIA operation, through the UBA. The bank has denied any form of involvement but the Turkish authorities will expect an investigation. Nigerian laws do not support terrorism in any shape. But could any Nigerian bank have moved $2 billion in the last six months without the Central Bank knowing?

Besides, the Turkish ambassador to Nigeria, Hakan Cakil, has formally asked the Nigerian government to shut down 17 schools and other institutions in Nigeria allegedly associated with the Gulen Movement. YeniSafak News, a pro-government Turkish newspaper was in fact categorical in its headline: “Turkish envoy seeks closure of Gulen schools in Nigeria” (July 29). But are they really Gulen schools? Interestingly, some Nigerian newspapers reported that Turkey has “ordered” the Nigerian Government to close down some schools! Can an Ambassador or any country give orders to the Nigerian government?

Hakan Cakil says: “We are starting some legal procedures to take the name 'Turkish' out of the name of the schools," he added. “They are not the schools of the Turkish government. According to the ambassador, there are other establishments run by the Gulen group in Nigeria such as hospitals. He said all the FETÖ-linked bodies raised funds that were used to further the group's interests.” Is this evidence-based? Evidence, please!

Nigeria has cordial relations with Turkey. Diplomatic protocol requires Nigeria, in the face of a formal complaint as stated, to look into the allegations. Besides, Nigeria frowns at terrorism and so it would be expected to act on the request from Turkey. As a member of the Organization of Islamic Co-operation (OIC), Nigeria may also soon find itself confronted with a draft resolution that formally designates FETO as a terrorist organization, and Fetullah Gulen as a terrorist. The only problem is that it is only the Erdogan government and its supporters who are referring to the Gulen Movement as a terrorist organization. I urge caution. Nigeria must resist the temptation to join the solidarity bandwagon. It must conduct its own investigations and insist on credible evidence.

The Turkish authorities have also appealed to other countries to close down businesses, schools and other institutions that may be in any way associated with the Gulen Movement. Some of the countries promptly obliged. Jordan, Azerbaijan, Somalia, Niger, and the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, have shut down many schools so labeled claiming the need to act in solidarity with Turkey and promote bilateral relations. A similar request has also been tabled before Cambodia, Japan, Thailand, and Indonesia.

Turkey’s position is that the Gulen Movement or what they call FETO uses education to conscientize young people, globally, to prepare them to become anti-state elements, and that Gulen’s strategy is to infiltrate all sectors of Turkey and go beyond to build an international network. The insistence that the cleric is a terrorist will obviously be of grave interest to the international community, terrorism being the scourge of the moment. Still, we should not act based on Turkey’s say-so, in the name of solidarity. A proper understanding of the political sub-text to the Turkish drama recommends this as the best option in the circumstances.

For the record, the proprietors of the Nigerian Turkish International Colleges have fought back dismissing the request by the Turkish Ambassador as “spurious, baseless, unfounded, of poor taste and a display of crass ignorance.” They insist that the “NTIC is not a Turkish government-run institution but a privately funded institution by a group of Turkish investors.” What can be said is that these investors who have built 17 schools in Nigeria, a university (The Nigerian Turkish Nile University -1998) and a hospital (The Nigerian Turkish Nizamiye Hospital, Abuja- 2013) have done more to promote good people-to-people relations between Nigeria and Turkey than all the diplomats ever posted to Nigeria from Turkey.

They have promoted international friendship and helped to build the Turkish brand among the Nigerian consumers of the high quality services that they offer. More importantly, they do not have any sordid reputation as terrorist havens, instead they are very popular among Nigerians. From a strategic viewpoint, we need such investments in Nigeria and should not jeopardize the interest of many Nigerian students (who enjoy scholarships in those schools by the way) and the many middle-class patients who rather than travel abroad take advantage of the quality services at the Turkish hospital in Abuja. What we may well be dealing with is blackmail, not terrorism, given what we know. Erdogan should by all means look for his coup plotters, but he should not shut down Nigerian schools and institutions. Having stayed for so long in power, he is definitely guilty of what Fetullah Gulen calls “power poisoning”. Yusuf Aweda, chew on that and drink water on top!

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The Bleaching, Chameleon Crowd By Reuben Abati

The Bleaching, Chameleon Crowd By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   08:13:00   No comments:

I wrote a piece recently, a tribute to the late veteran actress Bukky Ajayi and the multi-instrumentalist OJB Jezreel, in which I raised a number of issues, including how in Nollywood today, there is an obsession with the whitening of skin, an anti-Negritude yellowing, what I referred to as “the bleaching, chameleon crowd of Nollywood beauties.”

The various reactions to the piece conveniently ignored this subject; two young ladies who felt that I was probing an unpopular theme drew my attention to this. I was reminded that being light-skinned is now the in-thing, indeed the socially acceptable norm, because there is now a universalization of the concept of beauty and self-esteem.

The more light-skinned you are, the more acceptable you are in various circumstances, that is. I thought if this was true, then it is a tragedy indeed for the black world. For, once upon a time in the history of the black race, being black was a thing of joy and an instrument of protest. When Jesse Evans gave the black salute at the 1939 Olympics, after winning four gold medals, he was making a racially loaded statement about black pride and achievement. Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad, Muhammad Ali are key historical figures in the struggle for the black identity in the United States not to talk of various moments and efforts culminating in the Obama phenomenon eight years ago.

None of these historical figures would ever have contemplated a globalized notion of beauty and self-esteem, which superiorizes and imposes the idea of being white in 2016, and for same to be validated by blacks, living in the black world’s most populous country- Nigeria. Closer home, the independence struggles across Africa were fuelled by ideas of racial pride, and indeed in the 1960s, the coalescing of that around the negritude movement projected confidence and faith in the black colour, the people’s culture and identity. To be added to this is the expressed faith that black people all over the world can contribute meaningfully and significantly to the march of human history. Being black was nothing to be ashamed of. Cultural workers used their art and narratives to promote black culture.

Writers identified with their natal roots. James Ngugi for example, became Ngugi wa Thio’ngo. Albert Achebe dropped his Albert and became Chinua Achebe. Wole Soyinka argued that “a tiger does not proclaim its tigritude”; it should act and in his writings, he proved the point. Black activists like W.E.B. DuBois left the United States and traced their roots to Africa. But today, the grandchildren and great-grandchildren of that movement are turning back the hand of the clock. They want to be white! They may in the long run constitute a minority, but artificial beauty is a growing trend among black people. I was once asked to buy Brazilian hair, during a trip to Brazil. I went dutifully to a shopping mall asking for Brazilian hair.
Nobody could figure out what I wanted. Brazilian hair is what a lot of Nigerian women wear, or attach to their natural hair to achieve the effect of a straight, Oyinbo-ish hair and to hide their own natural, curly hair. It took me two days of trying to buy Brazilian hair in Brazil before it occurred to me that Brazilian women are not likely to be selling Brazilian hair in their own country since in any case, every one of them is born with it. But here in Nigeria, Brazilian hair is a big deal: it is one of those items a bridegroom must budget for, otherwise, no wedding and I understand, this could be in the range of N350, 000 per hair.

The final cost could also be determined by the adopted style: normal leave-out, closure or frontal, all designed to create an artificial effect. Even the eyelashes you see on our ladies these days may not be real: eyeballs are replaced with contact lenses, and there is a new craze now called eyebrow wig: a wig on the eyebrow!
The new global culture of beauty has also imposed on our women what is called acrylic nails, or plastic nails. With those cat-like nails, women find it difficult to wear sanitary pads, jewellery, button their shirts, eat dollops of swallow with their hands, type on their phones or wash clothes and plates, and yet every young lady out there is wearing strange nails in the name of beauty.


Check out the faces too. Make up has been turned into such an art of deception; you could marry your ex-girlfriend and not know she is the one because she has changed colour, changed face and changed everything about her. Make-up and making up are associated with success, but it is pure 419 as many may have discovered. Women talk about laying a foundation on their faces as if they are bricklayers, they also talk about contouring and highlighting the face to look different: the effect is that every ugly girl is contoured and highlighted to become a stunning beauty. We are also in the age of breast implants, breast reconstruction, liposuction, pumping of bum-bum and lip lightening (there is cream method or peeling with machine!) and the use of body pads and slimming girdles and all kinds of borrowed gadgets to make a woman look prettier than she is.The idea of the “African Queen” celebrated over the years, and more famously by Tu Face Idibia in a song of the same title has thus undergone a transformation. Women and men (yes men also) in Africa’s most populous black nation, and quite a significant number, are all struggling to become either light-skinned or copy the Kadarshian/Kanye West effect. I have been made to understand that in Nollywood for example, dark-skinned actors and actresses are ignored by producers: they say they don’t look good on camera and that only light skinned actors sell movies.

So, there is a marketing side to it but it must be crazy if true. Celebrities are also expected to be glamorous all the time. This is why public figures don’t step out of their homes or take pictures unless they are properly made up. And to worsen the story, I am told you need to look clean, and fresh to be considered successful and the black colour does not project success.
Here we are confronted with many men and women who are bleaching their skins, to look fresh and successful. The prostitution angle to it is buried in the argument that men are naturally attracted to light-skinned ladies. And it is a big industry, one of the most lucrative businesses in Nigeria today. The minimum cost of a bleaching cream is N15, 000 per week. These include Egyptian milk, Arabian milk, Snow White and steroid creams like Movate, which is used to bleach the scalp. Yes, the scalp! They bleach the scalp too. There is also a bleaching tablet, which costs as much as $500; four tablets are usually taken per dose. Some people opt for what is called bleaching injection to peel off the melanin, and one injection is a tidy N250, 000. There are special creams for old women and men with resistant skin, at higher cost. The madness is across all age brackets, and may God help you if you have a bleaching wife or girlfriend.


I am not making this up. The various creams and services are hawked daily at Ikeja roundabout, under the bridge. The merchants also advertise tattooing, hips enlargement, penis enlargement and breast reconstruction services. And in Yaba, Lagos, you’d find the biggest cosmetics store run by a certain Mama Tega who is said to be the oldest and the most trusted in the business. The irony is that she, herself, is interestingly dark-complexioned! The girls who work for her and her patrons are not.
The stress and risks involved in bleaching and looking white by all means possible are so much, but the people involved do not care. The knuckles and the lips do not bleach easily, so people go about looking patched up and they have to buy a different chemical to lighten their knuckles, elbows and knees. The side effect of the chemicals used includes bad body odour and stretch marks, the skin is thinner and more sensitive, and the chemicals expose the person to enormous health risks. It is also a lot of work. If you are bleaching your skin, you have to use the cream everyday, morning and night. If you miss the cream for a week, you’d look different, and you have to stick to the same supplier and mixture: so much needless stress.


I am aware that every individual is entitled to a freedom of choice including the choice to look the way they want. But I see the spread of a bleaching culture as a display of so much insecurity and lack of self-esteem, and an assault on the legacy of all the men and women who fought and are still fighting to ensure that black identity matters. It is also shocking that many mothers are now in the habit of introducing their children to bleaching creams very early. They don’t want dark-skinned daughters and sons! And the ones who fail to do this feel terribly embarrassed when they are photographed with their children and the skin colours do not match. Check family photographs these days. And worry about the many ladies out there living a life of pretense engaged in “coded waka runs” (euphemism for underground prostitution) just so they can buy skin whitening creams.
This is a sad story about the way we now live, even as I recall the antiphonal lyrics of James Brown’s “Say it Loud – I’m Black and Proud” (1968) - one of the greatest songs of all time. In Nigeria’s entertainment industry today, being black is almost a taboo. The women want to look like Kim Kardashian and the men seem to think that to be a celebrity is to be light-skinned. In the larger society, a “faworaja” (fake appearance) culture is on the rise. The people are deliberately re-colonizing themselves mentally and physically. What can anyone say to such persons who are ashamed of their own identity? I speak for myself: “I’m Black and Proud”. But even if I wan bleach sef, I black so tay, cream go finish for market…

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All Protocol(s) Observed By Reuben Abati

All Protocol(s) Observed By Reuben Abati

Adeboye   05:05:00   No comments:

Nigerians love events and ceremonies. The engine of governance in fact runs on this special fuel, which in many ways has become an occasional excuse for waste and idleness. I have in the course of work attended and compered many of such events; one thing that I find curious is the obsession with acknowledgements. If you are the compere at any typical Nigerian event, the organizers are bound to give you what they call a protocol list, usually a long list of persons whose presence must be acknowledged. You are also expected to recognize persons, especially if they are government officials, according to an established ranking order.

This means you can’t recognize a Member of a State House of Assembly before a Member of the House of Representatives, and you can’t “acknowledge the presence (as it were) of” a Minister before a Senator. Any slight mix up is likely to fetch you a reprimand and complaints about how you are such an insensitive compere who wants to ruin an event that had been so well planned. Getting the pecking social order right is not even enough, you must be politically correct when you deploy such egoistic phrases as Your Excellency, The Distinguished, The Most Honourable, Your Honour, Your Worship, My Lord, Your Grace, Your Eminence…Only God knows what these honorifics do to the Nigerian big man or big woman’s mind. When you get it right, you can see the person actually believing the myth about he or she being so excellent, distinguished or honourable. Some would even rise and wave to the crowd.
The institutionalized flattery involved, is of course not limited to the special guests, sorry special guests of honour (!) who occupy the high table, or the top table, or better still, the reserved table. Other guests also have to be introduced. The rule is never to overlook any important person. If it is a government or corporate event, nearly everybody is important. If certain persons are mistakenly overlooked, they would insist on sending their personal assistants to the compere to remind him or her of how a grave error has been committed. Some would send their business cards, or a note or summon the compere to their table to register not a complaint but a protest!


Indeed, being a master of ceremony at a Nigerian event could be the ultimate test of humility and human patience. I once introduced a certain VIP as Chief XYZ. I was summoned and reprimanded. “He is not a Chief, but a High Chief”, he said. Correction taken, apology offered. “It is now my pleasure to introduce once more High Chief XYZ, the whatever 1 of anywhere.” The man grinned cheerfully. His retinue of assistants applauded so loudly, you would think the event was all about him. There certainly must be something special about being a High Chief; ordinary Chiefs, I guess, must be less human. But consider this: on another occasion, I mistakenly referred to another VIP as a Chief. The man sent for me, and whispered into my ears: “next time you call me a Chief, I’ll sue you, only unserious people go about saying they are Chief this and Chief that. I have never taken a chieftaincy title in my life; I am simply Mister. You understand? ” Yes, sir!
Again, apologies tendered. I went back to the microphone to introduce the Mister properly, cleverly leaving out his anti-chieftaincy commentary. But how do you deal with royalty? Now that many Nigerians act and behave like Republicans, traditional rulers and the royalty have also learnt to leave the comfort of their palaces to hustle like other Nigerians on the streets, and so, you can’t miss royal presence at most events. But there is a challenge, acknowledging them. You have to know who is His Royal Highness or which traditional ruler is better addressed as His Royal Majesty.


To play safe, it is always advisable to refer to every traditional ruler as His Royal Majesty. It doesn’t matter if the man is a common village head. The word “Royal” is where the magic lies. Leave it out, and you’d have palace jesters rushing to you to insist you emphasize that special phrase. To get the protocol right, the titles of female guests of honour must also be properly mentioned, the problem is knowing who is what: Yeye, Erelu, Lolo, Alhaja, Hajia, Dame, Mrs, Miss or Ms. And there is at least one female VIP who objects to any young compere mentioning her first name: she says that is rude! “I am old enough to be your mum, and you know my dear, we are Africans!” Etiquette lesson taken: “Sorry Ma.” Not to talk of the Igwes. the Knights of numerous Saints, the Otunbas and holders of honorary degrees who insist on being addressed as “Dr.”
By the time a Nigerian compere struggles with these imposed standards, half of the time is wasted on absolutely unimportant niceties. And wait a minute, most of the guests would arrive late anyway and insist on being seated close to the high table, at a visible location, preferably in full view of the television cameras. Important guests like to be noticed; they want to appear on television and have their photographs taken by photojournalists who criss-cross the floor, blocking people’s view, blinding guests with camera flashes, thus constituting extra nuisance.

But the real notice-me tactic often adopted is when in the middle of a programme or a speech, some really self-important guest arrives noisily and holds everything up, making a song and a dance, sashaying across the hall. The compere is expected to suspend the programme and massage the ego of the latecomer: “Announcing the arrival of….” I imagine it is precisely because of this elevation of bad conduct into a side event, that nobody is allowed to arrive late at any event where the President of Nigeria is already seated. The security people will not allow such breach of protocol. And if anyone at all must be allowed in, he or she would have to sneak in quietly and no official compere would dare announce such rude arrival. That is another delicate protocol matter, though.


Then, the speeches: no event is complete without speeches and do Nigerians love to make speeches? Oh yes. Most of the time, many of the speeches are unnecessary. Those who are not supposed to say a word are invited to say a few words and they take an hour. There is so much repetition, with some speakers not having enough sense to leave out what has already been said. You are also likely to find someone who starts with “I don’t have much to say” only to go ahead and bore you silly. Or, some would start with: “I’ll try to be brief.” When you hear this, it’s better to be on your guard. Be prepared to listen to a rambling sermon. Even when time is allotted for every speech, this is usually ignored. I have been at events where the microphone was deliberately muted when the speaker started wasting time. Some speakers would still insist that they should be allowed to finish whatever they believe they are saying and they’d go on rudely, without the microphone!
Then, the acknowledgements: Every speaker begins with a long list of acknowledgements: Your Excellency, the President of the world, Your Excellency the Governor of this, Your Excellency the Governor of that… (if ten or twenty governors are in attendance, some speakers will mention each one of them by name!), and the Distinguished Senator whatever, The Right Honourable somebody, My Lords, spiritual and temporal….this alone may go on for close to five minutes. Before then, the compere would also have taken about five minutes giving the biography of the speaker. And he does that with every speaker, who again takes the microphone and repeats the same protocol list, only to end it all with “All protocol(s) observed.” Sometimes, all protocols are not just observed but “duly observed”, followed by the ritual of time-wasting salutations.


And in some cases, the protocols are “respectfully and fully observed.” The truth is that speakers don’t have to worry about protocol being “duly, respectfully or fully” observed. Career diplomats often protest that these phrases are incorrect and offensive. But this has not stopped speaker after speaker adopting similar short cuts: “Madam Chairperson, permit me to stand on existing protocols”. Or: “Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to adopt existing protocols.” On one occasion, a speaker said: “I am sitting on existing protocols, Mr. Chairman.” That was something novel except that it didn’t stop the next speaker from standing on the same protocols that someone had just sat upon.
Elsewhere, in Britain, United States, Canada, and Europe, when speeches are to be made, people don’t sit or stand on protocols and there are no long introductions and acknowledgements. The speeches are delivered in a pre-arranged order, promptly, briefly and to the point. And of course, the guests arrive on time. Prefacing a speech with “Ladies and Gentlemen” is considered adequate. Here and in other African countries: Kenya, South Africa, Uganda, Namibia, Ghana…the reverse is usually the case. We should perhaps begin to worry about African protocol, very much like African Time (!). Our public events and ceremonies could become more purposeful and business-like, however, if we dispense with lengthy introductions of titles and biographies. I once embarked on the onerous task of measuring the time spent on protocol at a particular event: two full hours. The main business of the day - an award ceremony - was just a little under an hour!

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