Cex as we all know is an integral part of marriage. So both husband and wife should enjoy it. Why should it now be a problem? By the way, there is a big difference between women who don’t like sex and those who don’t enjoy sex. We shall discuss those who don’t like sex on another day.
I have come across this challenge in my sex counselling for partners in and out of marriage. Most times though, it is the woman that complains. Most men to be candid are either not aware, or just don’t give a damn. We men need to realize that our wives/partners are not prostitutes to be used and dumped.
A happy sexual home goes a long way to keep the flame of love burning brightly believe me. So this article is for both men and women. The reasons are, physical, medical and psychological. But let us break them down further.
1. Low libido. This is known as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Syndrome (HSDD) for short. The sex hormones are just below par for a lot of reasons.
2. Painful sex. When sex hurts, your partner will certainly not enjoy it. She will be looking for all sorts of excuses to avoid it. Until you solve that problem of why it hurts.
4. Aversion to sex. Occurs when the lady has been a victim of sex abuse in the past. Or from a home where sex was considered dirty by the parents. Especially the mum.
5. Inability to achieve orgasm. This occurs in about 80 – 90% of Nigerian women. The reasons are plenty, but mostly the men are guilty. Lack of expertise amongst we men on how to make love. We are so used to the porn movies where the woman takes off her clothes and is wet within seconds.
6. Rough Past Experiences. Most Naija men are so rough with sex. And to make matters worse, they boast about it. We sadly believe that the rougher we are, the more enjoyable it is for the woman.
7. Lack of foreplay before sex. This is another huge topic better covered on its own.
8. Religion. Sad but true.
9. Culture. Some cultures believe that only men and animals enjoy sex. Cultured and well-mannered women should not. I have handled many cases where the homes have almost been broken because the wife showed she enjoyed sex. Where did she learn it the hubby wanted to know? This is a pity, because these same men feel on top of the world when their girlfriends enjoy sex with them. What double standards.
10. Medical. Medical issues such as fibroids, painful menses and any other disorders affecting her sex hormones.
11. Loose Vagina. This frequently happens but is not restricted to women after deliveries. Reminds me of an incident. A man wanted to rape a woman. They struggled, but he eventually succeeded. At the end of it all the woman got up and said: ‘I wouldn’t have struggled so much if I had realized I was dealing with a broomstick.’ The man then replied: ‘I wouldn’t have bothered myself if I had known I was going into a cathedral.’ End of the roforofo fight.
12. Emotions. These include, anxiety, depression, stress etc.
13. Fear of pregnancy. Even with or without family planning.
14. Guilt. This is due to the negative impression about sex she has been carrying.
15. Shame. Not to be labelled as loose if known to enjoy sex.
16. Female circumcision. Fortunately, this sad and obnoxious practice has been banned. The clitoris is packed with nerve endings which when properly stimulated enhances sexual enjoyment for the woman. Fortunately, all is not lost. All women can also enjoy sex. All you need is a sex counsellor to help you out. Seek and thou shalt find. Stop suffering and smiling.
